The Flip-Side

Preface: OMG! Please do not believe everything Bakari/Michael says in the following. He is bitter and regretful and he is just lashing out because he feels abandoned. Supposedly, at least, according to his previous blog, he accepted responsibility for his actions and his present living conditions. He is very hurt and resentful; so please do not let this determine your feelings or demeanor towards your son, brother or friend, regardless of what he is conveying; anger is hurt that is turned outward. I have lobbied that he continues taking psychotropic meds (drug addicts usually are self-medicating for different psychiatric illnesses) and continues counseling and is open and sincere in those session. Hopefully those are availed to him @ Tracy and he is utilizing all the tools at his disposal to work through his numerous issues/baggage. This is just one of his tantrums; I thought he had evolved past those, but apparently not.

Sincerely, Julie

Being the "Son of the Godfather of Soul" has a flip side, as in I am also a branch on my mother's side of the family. Right now, the only people to whom I am really close are my grand-parents and I have their names tattooed on my chest. Those tattoos are 22 years old and they are the only family members tattooed on my body, besides, my son's name, Eliase.

And sadly, my maternal sister and I do not speak and we really aren't friends. I think she hates me and I also think she is a snob. She grew-up under completely different circumstances: she was planned, raised by two parents in a two-story home, in a middle-class neighborhood. Her values reflected my step-father's and he is contemptuous of people who use drugs and alcohol and is very academically minded. So my sister enjoyed a middle class existence all of her life. For instance, she participated in extra-curricular activities, such as playing softball, soccer and learning karate. None of those activities were extended to me when I was that age.

In contrast, I grew-up around parties, drugs and my mother's multiple boy-friends. I wasn't planned, we lived in apartments for 7 or 8 years and I bought and paid for my first car. The only thing I had going for me was that I was James Brown's son. And like my maternal sister, my paternal sibling, Nicole is a snob as well.

I just want the world to know that I consider my primary family as my grand-parents. My step-dad did his best, and I now believe that my mother despises me and favors her daughter. My son hates me and I do not even know my son, Eliase, or his son (my biological grand-son). And for this, I am truly sorry.

If you have a chance, please write to Bakari/Michael; that really cheers him to hear from all of you. His address:

Michael Brown, #P69851
DVI - PO Box 600 - K217
Tracy, CA 95378-0600

Also, he appreciates money on his books, magazine subscriptions, books (mailed straight from the vendor) b/c we cannot send books from a residential address.
Labels: Reflections

Karma

I feel like I was born into this life with responsibilities from a previous life, where I must have fallen to many ills and I compromised other peoples' harmony, serenity and peace with bad acts on my part.

I arrived in this world and as I contemplate my existence from that point, actually conception, I believe misery was my due and my lot in life. So it appears that maybe I was doomed from the beginning. Have any others come to this conclusion?

If you have a chance, please write to Bakari/Michael; that really cheers him to hear from all of you. His address:

Michael Brown, #P69851
DVI - PO Box 600 - K217
Tracy, CA 95378-0600

Also, he appreciates money on his books, magazine subscriptions, books (mailed straight from the vendor) b/c we cannot send books from a residential address.
Labels: Reflections

Penitent

Unfortunately, I have caused a lot of suffering to different people along my journey through this life. I see people's faces in my mind and realize that I am the cause of some of their difficulties. Some have suffered because of actions that I have perpetrated in less than 2 minutes.

So I know why I am here and now I am paying the price and apparently, this is my karma.

If you have a chance, please write to Bakari/Michael; that really cheers him to hear from all of you. His address:

Michael Brown, #P69851
DVI - PO Box 600 - K217
Tracy, CA 95378-0600

Also, he appreciates money on his books, magazine subscriptions, books (mailed straight from the vendor) b/c we cannot send books from a residential address.
Labels: Reflections

Black Sheep

As some of you may know, I may edit some of Bakari's blogs; however, I never change the tone, spirit or the heart of the message. However, this time, he has requested that I post this verbatim. So I am just the straight up messenger...

This really does describe me in relation to me and my maternal family. I have been no earthly good to my maternal family. I have only hurt, stolen from, let down and disrespected them. The Wilsons and Arnetts are well-disciplined and successful.

I am a Brown and my life is chaotic, me and my baby sister Jeanette are alike. Jeanette I really need to hear from you. It may not sound right, but my maternal family will be much better without me being there.

If you have a chance, please write to Bakari/Michael; that really cheers him to hear from all of you. His address:

Michael Brown, #P69851
DVI - PO Box 600 - K217
Tracy, CA 95378-0600

Also, he appreciates money on his books, magazine subscriptions, books (mailed straight from the vendor) b/c we cannot send books from a residential address.
Labels: Reflections

New Friend

Recently, I received a letter from a new friend, Suzanne. She shared with me that she had overcome a life of unhappiness and with the help of others, she finally discovered "herself". I was so excited to hear from someone that had positive and uplifting words.

We both have significant others of long duration and this is strictly platonic, so I look forward to hearing from Suzanne for years to come.

Unsatisfied Mind of Desire

Let me share this with you (at least with those of you who do not know me well): I am the type of person that I always need something to which to look forward.

Yesterday was November 6th, 2010 and I hated that day. There was no mail, no canteen, no visits, no "dog kennel" yard, absolutely nothing and that is very difficult to abide.

Everyday, Monday - Friday, I wake-up anxious for mail call: maybe today I will receive a paper, hear from someone that had read my blog, or from an organization that I had contacted, or better yet, Julie or my grand-parents. Some of the other things to which I look forward are certain meals that are served, seeing certain female nurses walk by, because they smell so good and reflect the female spirit.

I look forward to the evening and falling asleep because in my sleep I am truly free. I look forward to canteen because eating comforts me and now that I know that Julie has been approved to visit, I look forward to seeing her. She doesn't have her car anymore, but I still hope that she will find a way to travel over here to visit.

Most of all, I look forward to death and another chance through re-incarnation. I HATE this life and I wish I could fall asleep and escape forever from this miserable existence.

If you have a chance, please write to Bakari/Michael; that really cheers him to hear from all of you. His address:

Michael Brown, #P69851
DVI - PO Box 600 - K217
Tracy, CA 95378-0600

Also, he appreciates money on his books, magazine subscriptions, books (mailed straight from the vendor) b/c we cannot send books from a residential address.

My apologies

Bakari/Michael has sent me blogs and I haven't had the time or the interest to check my own e-mail, facebook etc., let alone Bakari's. And also, I am in the process of re-organizing and I think I am missing a page or two of blogs, so I will post what I can find and I will also date it, that is, if he put a date on it or I know the date of the letter from which it arrived.