Growing Up

Well, my significant other, Julie, has "set the record straight" (referencing "The Other White Woman" blog that Julie removed). The blog she wrote is consistent with the focus of my blogspot "Being the Son of the 'Godfather of Soul'". Her blog entry is a real life reflection of another person's experience with me. I am finally attempting to grow-up at age 40. And now I am accepting responsibility for my actions and attempting to understand how others have experienced me.

One of the recurring themes that I encounter is co-dependency. I have been co-dependent all of my life and this phenomena usually assumes the other parties with whom I am interacting are as co-dependent I am. And so, expanding on that point means that I have surrounded myself with people who have enabled me and who have allowed me to shirk responsibility for my actions and the path my life has taken.

I was spoiled as I grew up and I seemed to get my way most of the time; I believe that was part and parcel of my life experience as one of James Brown's unwanted children. So, I exploited people's sympathy for me and I also loved the attention that I garnered from my lot in life, that is, being James Brown's child. And while he rejected me, others showered with me attention and things because of my father's fame.

I have never tried to mature and embrace the responsibilities that came along with maturity. My maternal family was full of wonderful role models and for whatever reason, I rejected emulating their lifestyle. Julie is also independent and has carried me for 3 years now. Now I can clearly see the need to be responsible for myself and not look to others to sustain me.

In my efforts to escape maturity, I used drugs, women, intimidation and manipulation to survive. I've feared being my own man and so I utilized my skills of manipulation to con others into doing for me what I should have been doing myself. As a result of this cycle, I have hurt a lot of people, primarily those who love me, sought to save me and protect me from myself! "The Other White Woman" blog entry is evidence of this.

So I am attempting to grow-up and figuring out what that means for me. First and foremost, I must cultivate many positive characteristics in order for me to engage in healthy relationships. I must learn to be considerate and fair as the aforementioned blog reflected that I have never lived my life that way.

So in an effort to practice what I am preaching, I currently do not have multiple women orbiting around for romantic means. Instead, I am focused rehabilitation and recovery. And the only woman I am interested in, outside of my immediate family, is Julie. To that end, I am also voluntarily working with my prison caseworker and in counseling while we examine my issues of co-dependency, addiction, obsession, possessiveness, maturity and fully-functioning and making a positive contribution in society. I am lucky to have this opportunity to do this work with my case-worker and I am putting my all into this opportunity to evolve and transform.

So, I want to own my bad behavior (mentioned by Julie), and I want to apologize to Julie, Mom, Rissa, Garvin, my son, Eliase, my grand-parents and anyone else who has experienced me negatively.

In closing, I assert that I am finally growing-up, finding my own identity and understanding how I impacted others. I believe there is so much more to me than that of the persona of celebrity's son. I am not satisfied with who that person has been and my impact on others. So now it is time to emerge as a responsible man who has a positive impact on my loved ones and the world.

This is a process, a journey and I feel better about myself for having taken the first steps. So that is who I am today. I am finally growing up.

You may write directly to Bakari @ Michael Brown, P69851, PO Box 600, K-146, Tracy, CA 95378-0600.

Peace!