Worry, worry, worry

I'm a worry worm and I worry about a lot of things. For instance, I worry about my mom, my grandpartents and my fiancee dying. I constantly worry about my son, and I even worry about my little brother (James, Jr) and sister (Rissa). I cannot imagine life without my mom, Boo-Boo, Big Daddy, or my fiancee, Julie. I left her in a very precarious situation when I went back to prison. She's been left in financial jeopardy because of my drug-use before I returned to prison and now, because she continues to support me while I am in prison. She sends me money to put on my "books", had paid for all of the collect calls, when I had phone privileges, and she sends stamps and envelopes, and yet, all the while she remains "homeless". And I worry constantly about her safety, because she hasn't been able to secure stable and safe living accommodations. And then, on top of that, the mail is so slow in prison because there are 4,000 pieces of mail dropped daily, and it takes 7 - 10 days for mail to reach me from Sacramento. So timely communication is totally impossible.

However, while most of her letters update and cheer me, she does send "hate mail", as well. But that is to be expected. I have done so much against us; I concede to being the weak link in this relationship and others as well. I feel responsible for anything negative that happens to my son because I haven't always been the parent that maybe I should have been. But luckily for me, all those around me and who love me are resilient. Especially my fiancee, Julie.

Wives of prisoners have to be really dedicated and very patient. My wife-to-be perserveres, and I have faith that no matter what, she'll be fine. However, I would really appreciate it if you would keep us in your prayers, because for some people life isn't easy, and there seems to be trial after trial and I seem to succumb more easily than she does. But I will not give up, as long as she doesn't. I envision us succeeding and achieving the "American Dream" - with some hard work first. Again, please keep us in your thoughts and prayers.

God bless!