Being an unwated child of James Brown

I know I am not the only child who has been born out of wedlock, and I know I share this characteristic with millions of others, but where my situation may differ, is that the whole world may have known some aspect of this talented man, my father, James Brown, and yet, as his son, that is all I knew of him as well. We share the same genes and yet, his fans knows as much about him as I do.

Do you know how difficult it was to hear fans sing his praises for anything he undertook, and even forgive him when he made a misstep? But most of his fans never knew this man had another side to him, and this was the side I experienced. Someone who was full of hate and spite, and someone who ignored me throughout my entire life.

This dynamic engendered great feelings of resentment. I've spent my entire life confused, angry and depressed. I've even gone so far as to be suicidal, asking God why I was ever born, and just generally being angry at the world. I've been mad at my mother and the judicial system, just to name a few. In short, I have blamed everyone else for my misery.

I've had a number of felony convictions, and I can say in all honesty, that my criminal history is a product of anger and depression. My early use of alcohol, tobacco and drugs were acts of REBELLION. I spent the vast majority of my 38 years on earth seeking acceptance, love and a purpose for existing. And usually, when I have been lucky enough to find unconditional love throughout my life, I've sabotaged it, over and over again. I guess that unconsciously I feel unworthy of love.

Now I feel healing coming about as I share my innermost conflicts and emotions. And on Christmas Day, I lost a father I had never known, and I grieve because of that, and I continue to grieve because my siblings, Venisha, Deanna, Yamma, Daryl, Terry and Larry still refuse to acknowledge my existence, or to recognize that we all share the same father, the same bond and to accept me to be part of James Brown's family. And all I keep asking is, "Why?" But it is my turn now. The world will know me and know what it is like to be James Brown's son.

As I stated in earlier blogs, I am currently incarerated in CA. However, in addition to your comments here, all personal letters are welcomed and I will respond promptly. I will be released from custody later this summer, 'til then, you may write me at:

Mike Brown #P69851
PO Box 600 - DVI
Tracy, CA 95378-0600