Open Door

Hi,

This is from a few months back; I apologize that it took me so long to post this. This, too, is Bakari reaching out to his son, Eliase. I hope that sooner rather than later, they resolve the problems with this relationship b/c I hate seeing the repeat I have heard about for years now about how James refused to acknowledge his biological son, Michael and they never established a relationship. I hate facing this issue, but time does run out, which was demonstrated by Bakari's father, James, and his passing on Christmas Day 2006 and as a result they failed to address the turmoil of their relationship. I was reflecting on that the other day; however, I don't presume to fully understand the dynamic of this relationship between Michael and his son. Anyway, just an outsider's "food for thought".

Sincerely,

Julie

Eliase, I have extended myself and I want and need for you to know that the door is open for you to visit anytime. I wish to talk with you man-to-man and then I could also learn about what kind of man you have grown into after all of these years. I hear wonderful things about you and it sounds like you take after your Aunt Rissa. She has grown into a wonderful woman, very smart and independent, which is what I hear about you, as well.

Please do not mistake this as my arrogance to suddenly be your long lost father because I wouldn't have any idea how to be one at this point and time. I just want to look you in the eye and talk with you. We all know what path my life has taken and what the result has been; however, I yearn to finally face you and incur your wrath, love, contempt, pity, sadness, regret, pain, understanding (if not now, maybe someday?!?!)

So, I am imploring you to perhaps give me another chance and soften a little towards me. I know I really haven't been in your life and the rare times I have been there, it hasn't usually been pleasant, to say the least. I am looking at the bigger picture and trying to understand why this dynamic has perpetuated itself for at least three generations of fathers and sons in the Brown family.

I swore I wouldn't be like my dad, and lo and behold, I did exactly that and sometimes, worse. Your life so closely mirrors my own as I grew up and experienced repeated rejection. I wanted my dad to be my dad and I wrote him, called out and prayed to God but all he did was ignore me. You have experienced the same and you will never understand how that impacts me and I grieve for us.

I really hope that I don't die before we can talk and make peace, if nothing else.

Love (truly),

Dad, Pops, Father or just plain Bakari/Michael.