Family: the more the merrier

For so long, I had been looking forward to meeting my dad's side of the family. And I was lucky enough to be re-united with 4 of my paternal sisters. Things were really looking up still at that point. I was enrolled in counseling, applying for SSDI, in counseling, attending support groups and then something prompted my downfall...

Then, for whatever reason, I began to fall apart: my relationships were strained and I was extremely irritable; I began to drink heavily and argue with everyone. And along with that, I was "talking the talk but not walking the walk" (as well as numbing myself) and yet again, I was going back on my word and dishonoring my promises. Unfortunately, to most who know me, that isn't a really a surprise.

I have started stabilizing on my psych meds and I have realized my bio-chemical imbalance/drug addiction largely contributed to my inability to follow-through and/or sit still for any length of time. And now I realize I did myself a huge disservice all of those years refusing to acknowledge my bio-chemistry was out of balance. And that was responsible for irresponsible, disruptive, destructive behavior and on and on. And truthfully, I have probably been self-medicating all of this time. Now one of the obstacles I have to overcome is regret and yet, I still ask:

How could I let this happen again???