What a terrible shame

While one is sitting alone in a cell, that is an opportunity that affords someone a lot of time of to reflect on one's life, or at least, the parts that haunt one the most. And also, for me anyway, I am now on meds (legally prescribed and monitored by healthcare providers) because of my bio-chemical imbalance and I can focus and I realize that perhaps I should re-examine my beliefs, attitudes and perceptions that I have held and are outdated or never really applied.

When I was a child, I was diagnosed with ADHD (never took meds) and so throughout my entire life, I have been in a "special" class of some sort. And at one point, at school, they put me in a booth/carousel, so I could focus on the work at hand and complete my assignments, because I could not sit still or otherwise ignore everything going on around me and my work would not be completed on time unless removed from all the distractions.

So I decided to return to school this Spring and I initially enrolled in four classes and on March 16th, I would have added a 5th class. However, as the new semester approached, I was very conscious of the effort, discipline and focus it would require to successfully complete these classes. And all of the past experience with school, returned to haunt me and I ended up doubting myself and was extremely intimidated.

And then, after I was so motivated and after persevering and taking care of all kinds of details basically at the last minute, and I faced the obstacle of having to register about 1 - 1/2 months later than everyone else and I even got the classes I needed and attended to all the necessary details. However, I let self-doubt take over and I was totally intimidated and all my hard work was moot. The only thing I was now interested in was returning to what I typically turn to (these days anyway) and made it impossible to see my hard work come to fruition. It just went from bad to worse, as obviated by the fact that I lost my freedom again.