Frustration

For years, I've been wearing my socks and underwear into the shower so I can wash them as well. I guess this has become habit because I even do this out in mainstream society. I floss my teeth with the elastic threading of my state issued socks. I have been doing this for years, too. The pen I am writing with consists of a pen-filler, but I have wrapped paper around it tightly, put plastic wrap (contraband) and the elastic sock string around it.

I have two pair of glasses, courtesy of Julie, I have 19 personal pictures on my wall and about one-half of them are extremely blurry. I also have pictorials from a lady's (skin, but not complete nudity) magazine in a separate location; I never mix the two. In my small cell is a toilet and sink and I keep an extra sheet, also considered contraband, and fold it up neatly and carefully place it over my toilet bowl to stifle the scent of toilet bowl water.

Bakari ends it here...he paints a pretty gruesome picture of his life. He did things that put him there but I still maintain 1. the system is screwed up; 2. it is inhumane (it resembles failure to thrive syndrome that infants get from lack of affection and human contact) and we are a touch starved society out here already; 3. Bakari is legally disabled; he is a drug addict and CDCR has the proof and knows that and yet, they imprison him instead of sending him to rehab or a psych facility. He is broken, but he has never really had the chance to see if he can be "fixed" or if he is wired differently, see whether it is too late, to "re-wire" him.

My heart is just crushed when I think about what he endures. Yeah, he put himself there, but he is still a human being and he is being deprived of his humanity in this situation. Will "the rehabilitation" part of CDCR ever really address his issues. Doubtful, huh? I miss him and long for him, but I also know he is going through a hugh trauma and he may emerge from this experience as an emotional child, as he has all other times. Why don't they want to help him and fix him?