Pathetic Existence

I define my current circumstances as a "pathetic existence". I have so little control over anything and things that are routine and mundane in ordinary life are revered in here. And so I live day-by-day and look forward to mail, certain meals, the newspaper and specific members of the prison staff.

I feel like a savage beast at times and this is exactly where I belong. It is so ironic, in here I stand out as an intellectual but then I return home, and I am completely out-of-place. And prison isn't "prison" anymore; it is more like a state hospital and a gang playground.

When I reflect on the conduct that placed me here, I see a Divine or Karmic wisdom at work. Most of the time, I am furious and my body is showing the signs of the dis-EASE (reference: Louise L. Hay) that troubles my mind. I have gained 20 pounds and then almost daily, I also battle extreme emotions of hate and anger. (As an aside, I believe that environment would foster those emotions for anyone, but anyone who has many psychological and addiction "issues" and is a control-freak and has to exist in those "accommodations" {laughable term} would be seriously challenged almost everyday).

Anyway, Michael had to buy a picture of his father, James Brown, and also one of his sister, Deanna, and they hang on his wall. When he looks at his dad and he sees himself, it is a total trip. He wonders where he is and what kind of karma did he reap? Michael knows he did a lot for needy children, but he also neglected his own children, much like Michael.

Michael's goal is to become a "Buddha" and to become enlightened and able to cast aside all delusions and attachments.

Feel free to comment on any or all of this.

Everyone know that Michael/Bakari loves receiving mail. So feel free to write to him @:

Mike Brown, #P69851
DVI - PO Box 600 - K217
Tracy, CA 95378-0600

He could be relocated any day, so as soon as that happens I will post his new address. Thanks for your support.