A Closed Mouth Never Gets Fed

IOW, this may still be pandering, gauche, in poor taste but in the day and age, ya gotta do what 'cha gotta do.

So, I guess in "media" terms, a "re-run".

I just passed a milestone on the 25th of this month. And like Bakari/Michael, I have my own issues to battle and I am really emotionally black and blue after this last year, but especially the last 3 or 4 months. I cannot believe how difficult this last year was and how it really took its toll on a lot of people.

Yeah, of course, it has been the economy but there has been so much other turmoil and tumult in my life. I desperately worked and worked to get Bakari either a reduced sentence or to lobby for his placement in a rehabilitation facility or a psych hospital. Yeah, I didn't get anywhere and I felt like such a failure when I couldn't positively impact the sentence that was imposed upon him.

I met him almost 5 years ago and as these years have played out, he has been challenged to stay out of jail or prison because of his addiction. And so far, it has been a losing battle, He always promises that it will be different this time, but he could be gone for quite awhile and we are talking years, not months.So now, it depends on how he conducts himself while in custody and that may impact how long he is incarcerated and if there are psych services availed to him and he takes full advantage.

I keep wanting to believe that he can change and he has the capacity to change, but only once he is honest about his own real problems/issues and displays a true desire to give up drugs and alcohol and executes a systematic plan and adheres to it. That is a very tall order for anyone, let alone all of the issues that Bakari is battling.

Anyway, just like everyone else, we are both hurting for funds. I found out I am not supposed to wear contacts anymore and I need glasses; I gave my newest pair to Bakari and I have been providing him eyewear from my eyewear collection basically since we met. So now, I do not have the funds for glasses. And of course, vanity weighs in and I may or may not be able to have intra-laser surgery (for the same reason I can't wear contacts) and that procedure is $2,400/eye if I qualify. My Mac Powerbook is 6 years old and to replace it with a MAC Notebook w/the equivalent technology (Powerbook was $2,500 6 years ago) will cost $4,500.

And I lost my prized "Toyota Celica" on my b-day, January 25th, 2007, due to an unpaid speeding ticket and Bakari's part was to be MASSIVELY JONESING and throw me out of the house in which we were squatting, yes God help me, squatting in and I was out driving around w/a suspended license (b/c I was evicted and off the grid) and didn't know it. They impounded my car and I never saw it again, b/c as usual any money he had he used to buy crack and he couldn't help me get it out of impound. My heart is still crushed about that.

And on my b-day last year he came into some money and instead of helping me out, he went out and bought a very large quantity of drugs for himself. I do not do any drugs and I am not guilty by association. Bakari was never allowed to do any of his dirt in front of me. I disapprove of any drugs (illicit or illegal) being used recreationally.

And finally, my mother is in an Alzheimer's unit in a nursing home in Iowa and I have not seen her since my father's funeral in 2005. And from what I gather she is miserable, but relatives are speculating that she is holding on 'til she sees me. I desperately want to see her, but again, the funds just aren't there.

So I guess you could call this post, a virtual pan-handling. I need funds and anyone that can spare anything, here I am. Or if you know of a grant or foundation, that would disburse funds for someone in my situation, I would appreciate it. Yeah, this request is on the side of pathetic, declasse, in other words, in very poor taste, but hey, I am desperate.

You can forward funds to this address:

Julie Swartzendruber
1809 "S" Street
Box 101-343
Sacramento, CA 95811

You can send funds to Bakari as well; however, the state takes one-half of it. So if you send $30, he only gets $15 put on his "books". I believe, but am not certain, that the other 50% goes to pay restitution he owes the state.

Everyone know that Michael/Bakari loves receiving mail. So feel free to write to him @:

Mike Brown, #P69851
DVI - PO Box 600 - K217
Tracy, CA 95378-0600

He could be relocated any day, so as soon as that happens I will post his new address. Thanks for your support.

PEACE!
Labels: Bakari, thank you for lending your forum