Anger

I believe a significant source of my anger issues revolve around the issue of my parentage. See, my biological father, James Brown, never appeared to want to see me or acknowledge me or even cared to love me. I try to think I am getting past the desire for pity, but the first memories of my pop's rejection occurred between 7 and 8 years of age, and once it dawned on me, I was deeply, deeply wounded. How was I supposed to feel? I kept asking, "what did I do wrong"? "How could this be"?

My mom was also deeply hurt and depressed by these circumstances. And my family, bless their hearts, compensated for this lack of recognition and love from my father by spoiling me rotten. And as time went on, I sought my own solace in the use and abuse of drugs and I also turned to another weapon in my arsenal and that was to become VERY ANGRY and to hold onto that anger with the zealousness of a self-righteous victim. This has been the dominant emotion for most of my life and has directed my behavior, which is not difficult to believe, if you know anything about the path my life has taken.

Unfortunately, Pop is dead and I miss him, but I have to continue on to aspire bigger and better things. And, I am very lucky to have good role models around me upon which to draw inspiration. My maternal family, all of my siblings, Julie, my son and even my ex-wives are independent and they all have overcome adversity in their lives and are doing quite well.

I know I possess this skill as well. It has just taken me over 40 years to get here. I feel like a newborn and I am embarking on a new world and I am lucky to have the opportunity to forge a different path for my life to take. It is never too late to try and do it differently and for me, that translates as...much better. I feel a little intimidated and a little overwhelmed, along with whole host of other emotions and I am not quite ready to comfortably articulate what I am feeling, but I am looking forward to manifesting a new work in progress, of which those around me can be proud.