Theme of 2009

Julie sarcastically refers to this stint of prison time as "Theme 2009 - Taking Responsibility" because of previous false and grandiose proclamations I have made as an inmate during the other times I have been imprisoned. Previously, I have had what I thought were these epiphanies and then I would swear I had found the answer about how I would change my life and how I planned to live my life differently after I return to civilized life. And guess where I am writing from now?

While I am incarcerated, I try to spend my time productively and reflect on my life and where I may have gone wrong. This time, I believe if I work on maturing and taking responsibility for my past, I can actually initiate some change in my life and redirect my journey and put the tumult and chaos behind me. I know she supports my efforts, but she is dubious at times. I cannot blame her because I have disappointed her before, but I also need to hear encouragement as well. She is supportive but sometimes it is tempered with doubt and fear.

My case worker said I did not have to convince anyone else about my serenity. That is part and parcel of the disagreement between Julie and me. She claims after I return to CDC's custody that I have been all talk and no action. And now, I need to put up or shut-up this time, This I know...

I feel like I have wasted the last 40 years and now I have to stand-up, be mature, accept my reality and take appropriate action to get control of my life and my destiny. Yes, I have fear and it is that fear that has kept me stagnant all these years.

I am a 40 year-old Black man, a son of James Brown and I have a history of substance abuse, domestic violence, violence, irresponsibility, running from maturity, mental health issues, womanizing and frequent incarceration. I have little to no vocational skills; I am homeless; without transportation and I parole in 2 months. All of this is a recipe for recidivism; however, it is in MY CONTROL to change that

So this isn't just "Theme 2009" , this is what it is "Being the Son of the Godfather of Soul".