One Last Word...maybe

From: Julie Swartzendruber
To: Bakari's Fans

There's a little more to the story than Bakari has let on. First, because I am progressive and Bakari is fairly traditional, we had a dispute over whether I would change my last name when we declared before God and the world, that we would be together forever. So that was a big point of contention.

And then, we disagreed about family. I love my biological family, we just see the world very differently and plus, most of them are in the Midwest or the East, so maintaining regular contact has been difficult. And in addition, I have had other more pressing issues to face, sometimes on a daily basis, as in survival, so that took precedence. And, the bottom line for me, since I am so far from home, which is Iowa City (University of IA. Go Hawks! - My alma mater where I got my BA and MA), that "friends are the family you choose".

And finally, there is one thing I do not get about Bakari. He is sharing his life with the whole world, literally, I guess. And yet, he constantly accuses me of "talking too damn much". Now Bakari and I both have our issues, and I freely admit I am in counseling and I go to PTSD, S-Anon and Al-Anon support groups and I am pretty open about most things. I have being working on isssues like pain, shame, self-hatred, anger, betrayal, forgiveness, detachment and I am sure this list is not exhaustive.

So we differed on that issue because counseling has freed me in so many different ways that I really don't censor myself, because for the most part I do not have anything to hide. And I guess maybe Bakari's previous lifestyle choices dictated otherwise, so he couldn't be as open, and maybe he felt threatened by my penchant for disclosure. Now, this has worked in his favor since he has been incarcerated this time. I have been posting the blogs and I have sent all of them to him, even the ones that I wrote and identified as my own. I also forwarded copies of e-mails so he was always in the loop, even if he were unhappy with the messages I was sending. So there were no secrets; he hasn't been kept in the dark, like I have been all of these months. He will dispute that and he can rebut any and all of this when he takes over on November 7th.

So thanks for indulging me and reading something from the "other side", so to speak.

Best Wishes To All of You