Tattoo

I still subscribe to my philosophy of “Trust No One”, and as such, I have this mantra tattooed in an Asian language on my body. I believe that overall this reflects my experience with most people and that is why I hold on so relentlessly to this, characterized as very negative perspective, by my best friend. She claims that the first person I trust the least is myself. She is my best friend, and yet she has failed me, too. I cannot just abandon as “in love” or put a lot of trust in people, generally.

I have not surrendered completely to self-pity, because when asked “how am I doing?”, I generally reply “better than some and worse than others”. But I do maintain that I have been exposed to a lot of insensitive, and apparently rotten people, so I’ve come to fully embrace “trust no one” as a means of protection.

It seems most women that I have met don’t operate like that, and they leave themselves open to be hurt, and it seems 9 times out of 10, that is what happens. I have seen it happen too many times, especially since I know I have been the perpetrator more than a few times.

However, my friend continues to try to convince me to open up and trust, but I feel like I am being set up for failure. I have a hard time putting all my eggs in one basket, and most of the time, I have other irons in the fire.

My goal now is to love, live and enjoy America in peace, without having to worry about being set-up for a fall. I do struggle with trusting humanity because I have just seen too much. And this is how I view my circumstances currently: I am Black, tattooed, angry and a convicted felon. I have also been let-down, betrayed, intentionally neglected, so I guess “trust no one” remains my reality, much to my friend’s chagrin.