I am away yet again

Well as of today, I have been incarcerated 3 months; I was out a whopping 61 days. I know I exhibited some really bizarre behavior while I was out in mainstream/conventional society. I have finally acknowledged that I have a bio-chemical imbalance (diagnosed by several medical professionals), as well as a problem with addiction. My drug of choice is cocaine and using and abusing it resulted not only in some irresponsible behavior, but also my return to police custody.

I allegedly violated society by perpetrating some property crimes, but law enforcement has to prove that there were any true crimes committed and consider my state of mind when I finally encountered law enforcement that morning. And Sac County needs to examine my alleged actions within the whole context of what allegedly occurred and what was really playing out in my alleged case.

I have finally come to terms with the fact that I have a true diagnosed illness and I am sick and unfortunately what sickens me as well, is the impact I have on the world and those who care about me; those realizations have manifested as self-hatred and self-loathing and ironically I do the most damage to those that are most important me. To all I have slighted, please realize that I know that and I carry that guilt around with me. I hope one day you can forgive me.